(Warning! This is a painfully honest post!)
It definitely hasn’t been a great month. I keep starting things and then ending up on the virtual floor. I keep examining this phenomenon and feeling discouraged about my apparent lack of commitment…though I must be doing something right because I’m sitting here in my six 6 jeans and I’m not utterly uncomfortable. Though perhaps I’m simply numb, LOL.
At any rate, I think I’ve hit on it.
I haven’t been seeing myself as an athlete.
Instead, I’ve seen myself as that person who is sort of dabbling in Crossfit and Paleo, but really isn’t capable of accomplishing that much. At least not as much as all those other women, those truly talented, athletic, and committed women who have something inherent in them that I simply don’t have. And in my mind, I’ve thought, yes, I can try, I can work out, but eventually I will revert back to that flabby pale woman who finds all her comfort in a donut, a cookie, and a bowl of ice cream.
That’s how I’ve seen myself all my life…the fat little freckle-faced strawberry with glasses and red hair and just a little too much cheek and tummy. And yes, I’ve had times when I’ve been thin…I’ve had times when I’ve been scary thin. But every single time…back to the girl who finds comfort in a cookie.
I’m sick of that. It’s time for me to bring that girl out, give her the hug she’s been craving for so long, cook her a healthy meal, and take her to the gym.
To show her…she doesn’t have to do this or that or the other to become an athlete. Because there’s one truth I haven’t let myself acknowledge:
I AM an athlete.
I know it’s going to take time for this concept to become, as we say in my business, ego-syntonic. But I’m determined to do it. It’ll take effort. It’ll take discipline and sacrifice. It’ll take support and acceptance from my friends who’ve already discovered this truth. But I’m going to do it.