“10 burpees for saying I can’t”

Tonight, I surprised myself.

These League WODs have scared the heck out of me. The first two, I just did horribly. During them both, I wanted to cry. I wanted to quit, but I don’t quit. 

Tonight, we had no idea what the WOD would be until we walked in the door. I thought: “There’s bound to be one thing that I can’t do.” A part of me wanted desperately to plead sickness (I do have a horrible headcold that kept me out of the fifth WOD)…but then there was the other part, the one that said, “Don’t do that. Just go and focus on enjoying yourself and having a great time.” 

Boy, am I glad I listened to voice #2.

I got out of work as fast as I possibly could, because I couldn’t stand not knowing what the WOD was. I walked in the door, picked up the judging sheet, and felt a tremendous sinking feeling. The first round was a 65# clean and jerk.

Flashback to the second WOD: 55# push press, which for me turned into a 55# clean and jerk. It was all I could do to get the dang thing over my head for…I can’t even remember. 21 reps? I’ve never ever had a 65# clean and jerk. I’ve barely had a 65# clean!

And that was just one month ago.

I bit back tears. I tried the movement with a spare bar. I barely cleaned it. I wrung my hands. I shared my fears with everyone I could grab. I considered just sitting out the first round, since I was pretty sure I could do the other two – 50 burpees (no problem) and 21-15-9 95# deadlift (that did make me a little nervous) and hand release pushups.

In the end, my coach was also my judge. I told him, “I don’t have these…yet.” He nodded understandingly, then said: “I think you can do it” and gave me a few form pointers.

The countdown began, I addressed that bar, I cleaned it…AND I GOT IT OVER MY HEAD.

No one was more surprised than me.

And then I did it again. And again. And AGAIN. 12 times. And if I’d had another minute, I probably could have made it to lucky 13.

I was thrilled and a little embarrassed. Once again, I’d said and thought, “I can’t.” And once again, I was wrong. When will I learn to stop underestimating myself and have a little faith?

This reminded me of when I was in school, and I’d come out of a test and tell everyone, “I think I failed.” And then I would get an A. It almost became a superstitious ritual – if I said I failed, then I would do okay. Understandably, people got sick of it.

All I could say once that WOD was over, was “thank you, God, thank you, Jesus, thank you, God.” And thank you, coach Kenny, for helping me get stronger every day, every week, every month. And to my fellow Crossfitters, I promise I’m going to try not to go back down that superstitious path again.

My back is a little sore, which I expected after the deadlifts (also a heavier weight than I’ve ever used in a WOD), but I drove home on air.

I just have no more words. Those who know me know how special and rare that is. 

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